Troubling Evidence that I am Human.

by Jess

My best friend said the wisest thing to me the other day on the phone. I was telling her about some of the mistakes I’ve made with Liam already, and she said “Well, I am not surprised! You know what mom’s are, don’t you??”  Very slowly, and confused, I said “Noooo. What?” And she replied, “Human!”

So, I am human. And I am mother. In that vein…

- I am very excited to see my family, for Liam to see my family and to get to wear some sweaters and scarves. However, I am more excited about our trip up North tomorrow because I am daydreaming about someone else watching Liam while he is a crankster while I go do something without Liam.

- I ate a pint of Ben and Jerry’s tonight.

- I offended someone with an insensitive joke last week.

- I searched for ten minutes for a magazine this morning, then sat down in rocker to feed Liam, and only upon rising from the rocker again did I notice that magazine – on top of the coffee table in front of me.

- I have suddenly begun to reaaaaally appreciate a glass of Red Wine at night.  I never got it before. Never drank red wine before. Now I get it.

- I met another parent on a walk. While chatting, I mentioned casually that Liam had already learned to roll over onto his stomach. As the words left my mouth, I thought “A part of me is saying this out of pride, and a part of me is saying this purely to brag.” I surprise myself. I never thought I would brag about my children, or feel compelled to tout their feats to other moms. Competition is so not me. And yet, here I am, feeling this odd compulsion to brag, and I dare say, compete. When the other mother replied “Well, but he doesn’t roll back over yet though does he?” the Jessica I know would have responded “No, not yet” with a jovial smile and a not a worry in the head. This new mother-Jessica, however, suddenly roared out of her seat in my brain. It was all I could do not to scowl at the woman. I tell you this honestly, I went home thinking, “Okay kid, we’ve gotta work on rolling back over to your back!” Granted, I didn’t actually do that. By the time I got home, competition mom has subsided. But wow does she surprise me.

- I am absolutely going to give my child (if the Pediatrician okays it) something to make him sleep through the plane ride to Europe. He’ll thank me in the morning.