Why I’m not a bank teller.

I feel lucky that for the most part, I stay mindfully in a place of happiness and motivation when I am painting, or dreaming of business ideas sprung from my creative well. I do have an inner critic, just like every artist. Just like every person, I would imagine. Mine has a few favorite zingers that it likes to fling at me, quite when I’m not looking.  I’ll share ways to combat that in a future post.

For the moment, I’d like to talk about one feeling I get most, as an artist who is just on the cusp, starting out and beginning in my artistic career. Sometimes, when I’m pretty tired and I know that I have research on printing paper, color management, selling on etsy, and a host of other items that I would like/need to know more about in order to progress, I think: “Wouldn’t it just be easier to just get a 9 to 5 job?”

I’m not talking about a voice that says, “Your art stinks, you should just get a different job.” No, that’s a different voice, one that thankfully I don’t hear too often. This voice is different, one that stems from fatigue but really is about acknowledging all of the various creative ideas I have whirling around my head at any given moment, and how overwhelmed with possibility I feel. Overwhelmed and exhausted.

This voice says: “If I had a 9 to 5 job, where someone just cut me a check at the end, I wouldn’t have to LEARN anything, or RESEARCH anything, or sigh in fatigue thinking about how I would , like, go out to a movie on a Wednesday night.

I wouldn’t have those arguments with myself in my head about how I kind of also really want to read more about small craft businesses, order that sample pack of Epson papers, play with textures on my flower photos and write a blog post I didn’t get to today. It would be easier, right? I don’t even know what I ‘d do with my evenings but I’m fantasizing that it would involve lying on the couch and watching a movie, or a TV series marathon. Or I might just read, for like, hours. What’s more, it would be a novel!

Yeah, it sounds easier. But the thing is, if I’d be happy doing that, I’d be doing it already. But I’m not. I really love learning. I get addicted to researching. I really believe in my creative endeavors and aside from the body pains bending over the computer or canvas, I love being engrossed in it. I know that this is who I am, and despite that fact that I moan and groan sometimes, this is who I’m going to be.

 



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Comments

  1. Thanks for this truly inspiring and familiar post. I saw myself in this and I know that we are on our artistic journey for a reason, though sometimes I wish it would come quicker or in more obvious ways!

    Jill

  2. I love this. I SO get that feeling of fatigue, yet I don’t want to do anything else. Love the quote from Julia Cameron. I will have to remember that on my most tired days!

  3. WOW! You nailed it! Exactly how I feel most days…and I feel so very blessed to feel that way at the same time. To make art that comes from so deep down inside that people buy and live with EVERYDAY. That is a pure blessing.

    X0-Colleen
    your HSHB sister

  4. Thank you for this. I’m most definately your WHO. It’s a dream come true-to be an artist but I have that voice as well. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
    Heather–also HSHB soul sister

  5. Thank you, this came at a REALLY great time for me. It’s coming up to a year since I had my moment of inspiration and there are days when I doubt if I have what it takes to get it out of my head and make it into an actual THING. I’ll have to keep reminding myself that I wouldn’t have had the idea if I wasn’t meant to bring it to life. THANKS again.

  6. I had that moment of inspiration but then I realized I had to get up and do the 9-5 }

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