I feel lucky that for the most part, I stay mindfully in a place of happiness and motivation when I am painting, or dreaming of business ideas sprung from my creative well. I do have an inner critic, just like every artist. Just like every person, I would imagine. Mine has a few favorite zingers that it likes to fling at me, quite when I’m not looking. I’ll share ways to combat that in a future post.
For the moment, I’d like to talk about one feeling I get most, as an artist who is just on the cusp, starting out and beginning in my artistic career. Sometimes, when I’m pretty tired and I know that I have research on printing paper, color management, selling on etsy, and a host of other items that I would like/need to know more about in order to progress, I think: “Wouldn’t it just be easier to just get a 9 to 5 job?”
I’m not talking about a voice that says, “Your art stinks, you should just get a different job.” No, that’s a different voice, one that thankfully I don’t hear too often. This voice is different, one that stems from fatigue but really is about acknowledging all of the various creative ideas I have whirling around my head at any given moment, and how overwhelmed with possibility I feel. Overwhelmed and exhausted.
This voice says: “If I had a 9 to 5 job, where someone just cut me a check at the end, I wouldn’t have to LEARN anything, or RESEARCH anything, or sigh in fatigue thinking about how I would , like, go out to a movie on a Wednesday night.
I wouldn’t have those arguments with myself in my head about how I kind of also really want to read more about small craft businesses, order that sample pack of Epson papers, play with textures on my flower photos and write a blog post I didn’t get to today. It would be easier, right? I don’t even know what I ‘d do with my evenings but I’m fantasizing that it would involve lying on the couch and watching a movie, or a TV series marathon. Or I might just read, for like, hours. What’s more, it would be a novel!
Yeah, it sounds easier. But the thing is, if I’d be happy doing that, I’d be doing it already. But I’m not. I really love learning. I get addicted to researching. I really believe in my creative endeavors and aside from the body pains bending over the computer or canvas, I love being engrossed in it. I know that this is who I am, and despite that fact that I moan and groan sometimes, this is who I’m going to be.