Today, Nicla Williams from Wales is sharing the lessons learned through devastating trauma. I am honored to share her truth through this series. As always, if you feel called to share a story in which you experienced trauma but learned an incredibly positive life lesson from it, please feel free to visit the details page, or to write me at jessica.brogan(at)gmail.com for more info.
I’m not sure if this story has a beginning, but I’ll start with the day you went swimming on a sunny and bright afternoon in Spain. What happened there on that beach was to change our lives forever and take us on a journey of constant misery and pain.
Your black and blue body on the beach, people frantically trying to breathe life back into you, the scream of sirens and after that each day would stretch into a 24-hour agony, waiting, hoping, praying for a miracle that finally came! Everyone said that you had been one in a million and it had been a true miracle that you had not drowned but survived without permanent damage. Or was that the case?? Once you were back home, it seemed to take forever for you to recover physically but it took even longer than forever for you to recover mentally. It was June 2004 and never thought that the year could end up even worse, but unfortunately it did. I’ll never forget that phone call in the middle of the night in December to tell me that my mum had suddenly passed away without receiving the help and care she so badly needed and we never got to spend that Christmas together.
I guess that some pain and grief cannot be put into words and trying to make sense of it all had me going round in circles and drawn in to a black void. I still don’t know to this day where I found the strength within myself not to give in and take anti-depressants, where I found the strength to deal with my own grief and start living my life with a severely depressed husband and a vulnerable and depressed teenage daughter. The friends I so badly needed by my side were nowhere to be found, my colleagues mostly uncaring viewing depression as a terminal weakness instead of a silent but very serious illness. In the last 6 years or longer all I can mostly remember is constant trips to the doctors for more pills, for psychotherapy, an increasingly dysfunctional family and a life with no real moral or emotional support from anyone.
I kept on asking myself what I had done wrong to deserve so much pain in my life, but of course this only led to wrongly believing that I was not worthy of happiness. I realize now that this was total nonsense. Has all this led to a better awareness of who I really am and what I’m worth?? You bet it has. It has been a very long journey and I realize that without super-human resilience on my part, I don’t know if I’d even be here to tell you this story.
I also learned that there is no better cure for pain and misery than someone sharing the simple words like “I care and I love you” or a simple touch or a hug. Sharing the pain with someone would have certainly helped me a lot more than seeing a shrink or swallowing pills and I’m glad to have come this far to share this story with you all lovely ladies and I encourage you to share your stories too, as you are worth so much more than you think and you are so much stronger than you know!